This post has been a long time coming…like it should have been written and released nearly 2 weeks ago, but I have my reasons for taking so long; although they may not be sufficient reasons to some. We’re 4 months into 2020 and I would like a refund. Seriously, I have all the receipts on why this year is deemed defective – from my father’s death to a global pandemic completely taking over how we move throughout our everyday lives – It’s exhausting to be honest. My energy is low, my appetite ebbs and flows (food delivery service stocks should be going through the roof right now) and scrolling for countless hours through my social media newsfeeds can be draining.
When the COVID-19 pandemic took a serious turn and the majority of the US was placed on a “lockdown” over a month ago I was probably one of a select few who was fine with staying inside because I’m a homebody, so I enjoy being at home. I actually assumed or hoped that I would keep myself productive and busy with writing and blogging…at least that was the initial plan. The plan worked for like 1 week out of 5.
With my kids being home every day doing online distance learning for school and my job being considered an essential business (which is somewhat questionable, but not) – my mind has not been in a creative thinking state.
Before I sat down to write this post, I had already pre-chosen the Word of the Month weeks ago to be procrastination because that was what I thought I was feeling at the time, but now as I actually sit and write …that word seems incorrect. I have had my battles with procrastination, but I wasn’t intentionally putting off writing and being creative. I wanted to write I just physically felt as if I couldn’t. Like my mind and my body weren’t communicating with one another. As each day has passed by with me working from home on a rotating basis, trying to teach my children school work that I was unqualified to do, listening to an incompetent leader lead unsuccessfully, shake my head as people selfishly panic shopped, dealt with the anxiety of “what is this world coming to” – among other things – it donned on me that my lack of creating had nothing to do with procrastinating and everything to do with my energy. The word for the month of April is: ENERGY.
My energy levels were depleted because my mind was too busy worrying about everything else under the sun…
How am I going to balance going to work and being there for my kids so that they can do distance learning?
Should I be happy that my job is considered essential or upset because it’s putting me at risk every day?
Why are people buying up all the toilet paper?
Do the kids even understand what is happening in the world right now?
Is this possibly the sickness I had back in December?
Should I wear a mask or should I not wear a mask?
If I just sanitize my hands; do I need to wear gloves or should I sanitize my hands and then put on some gloves or should I just sanitize my hands, put on the gloves and then sanitize the gloves?
What will I do if I finish all of Netflix?
Can this pandemic really last the entire year?
Why are some states on lockdown and some aren’t?
Stores are now running low on food supplies should I load up on whatever’s left?
Those plane tickets are cheap, but is it worth the risk?
I forgot to wipe down the car door handle after I touched it with the glove that I was pushing the nasty store cart with that I am now touching with my bare hand to go home, and now I’ve touched the steering wheel; could that be the one mistake that brings Covid-19 into my home?
Is this one big conspiracy theory?
Is the world coming to an end?
The questions were coming from my left and my right with no end in sight. So many questions that would raise my anxiety just enough to quell any creative thoughts that tried to claim any spot in my mind – there just wasn’t enough space.
It became tiring.
Then I had the wonderful idea of redecorating and rearranging my living space starting with my bedroom. This was a big deal for me because of all the places I have lived for the last 10+ years they’ve never actually felt like home (but that’s a post for another day) to me…and they weren’t.
So, I basically redirected my creative energy from what I would normally do to be creative, which is write, to something that would allow me to be creative in a different way. Coming up with a color scheme, gathering ideas, playing with layouts and of course shopping for new things to decorate with rejuvenated those creative juices and unclogged my bogged down brain from all the negative thoughts and stressors that had my anxiety reaching new heights.
There’s a lot happening in the world right now and you have every right to be stressed and worried…it’s natural and pretty much expected. If you find yourself not being able to cope in a positive manner or you just want to reclaim your creativity back, then discover a new interest, a new hobby, a new way for you to release some pent-up creativity that you wouldn’t normally do. It will re-shift your focus [see reference post: As the Hours, and the Days, and the Weeks, and the Months, and the Pages Roll By] and you may realize that you have other talents and skills.
